Foot Race

Hey y’all! It’s been awhile. I’m not sure why I don’t sit down and write in the middle of chaos. This is so therapeutic for me. I’ve known what I was going to write about for weeks now, and I finally made time to sit down and share my thoughts with you. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing a lot of negative, eye-roll reactions to people posting their happiness on social media. So let’s start there…

It is possible to be happy for other people’s life celebrations. It’s okay if people are ahead of you. It’s okay that people are excited about their lives. Everyone deserves their moment to celebrate. Being bitter is an ugly trait. It’s easy to compare our lives to someone else’s social media fantasy. When your time comes around, you won’t want anyone rolling their eyes and closing out their Facebook over you. Instead, you’ll want the whole community, region, and country ecstatic about your Pinterest-worthy proposal and love story. And let’s be real ladies, the only reason it’ll be all you’ve dreamed of will be because your sisters and best friends will give him all the ideas your heart could ever dream of… Unless you’re extremely lucky and have landed a true romantic. Let’s just be real. I have a southern man to the core. He loves me in his own way, but romance is NOT his love language. Shout out to all the besties patrolling those Pinterest boards and making dreams come true. So let’s all stop the sub-tweeting and celebrate love, life, and happiness.

I’m such an analytical person. I Dr. Phil the crap out of everything. I take every comment and issue and dissect it until I come to my professional opinion about what the underlying issue is. It could totally be that what I’m seeing is just girls being mean and hateful. I believe, though, that it’s so much deeper than just being annoyed with social media celebrations. Usually it’s not because we’re annoyed with anyone else as much as we’re annoyed with our own life. It’s not that we don’t want it to be them; it’s that we want it to happen to us more. There’s nothing wrong with desiring good things, but remember, just because someone else is in a different chapter of his or her life doesn’t mean that you’re behind or late in your story.

Most of the negativity I see comes from ladies in the 18-25 age group. And if we’re completely honest with ourselves, the man we’re with during those years usually isn’t ready for what we think we’re ready for ourselves. There’s so much more to a marriage than pictures, likes, and a big dream wedding. After those events, real life ensues. I’ve been there. I’ve wanted to force my story, too. I’m so glad I didn’t force my ex into my cookie cutter dream. Do me a favor, and yourself really, and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does the man you want to propose have a good, stable job? Do you have a stable job?
  2. Does his job provide insurance and benefits? Babies are expensive.
  3. Is it so good that your parents wouldn’t have to bail you out financially? No additional comment needed.
  4. Does this man add any value to your life at this time?
  5. Will you add any value to his life at this time? Other than making his lunch for work.
  6. Can you either handle renting or a mortgage as well as the bills that come with?
  7. Do you both manage your money well?
  8. Do you know his living habits? Because it’s more than a sleepover.
  9. Is there anything hidden? Because there can’t be.

The frontal lobe- which is responsible for logical decision making- isn’t fully developed until around the age of 25 and sometimes later. This has been scientifically studied and proven. I’m all for a family setting up a young married couple for success, but if you can’t maintain what you’re blessed with without them, you are setting yourself up for failure. I know most of those questions involved money. That’s because it has been proven that money is the main topic of most all divorce cases. Another reason heard in divorce court is because “they grew apart.” I’m personally not a believer in this, because love is a choice. However, in the years between 18 and 25ish, you also do some developing and growth. You start to take note if he works as hard as your daddy or if he is lazy like his own. You start caring about how he treats his mama and how he responds to adversity. If you haven’t faced a life-altering situation yet, just wait, see what flows out of him in unfortunate circumstances. These things matter in the long run. After the sparkler send off and honey moon phase, you’ll want a man that will help clean the house and do the laundry. You’ll want a man that prays in times of trouble. You’ll want a man that will provide for you and your kids before he buys another toy.

No, he may not be that man at 18 or even 25. It may take him awhile to become the man you deserve and need. If you stick beside him, you’re a gem, and he’s blessed. You’ll see reward. Unfortunately through those years you stick beside him, you could potentially face a lot of hurt. It’s easier to deal with that hurt as a girlfriend instead of as a new wife. I’ve been a bridesmaid in several weddings lately. I’ve asked the grooms questions about why he wanted to marry my friend. More than a few times the answer I got shook me to my core. “I wouldn’t have done it if she wouldn’t have pushed it so much.” “I did it to make her shut up, and I figured why not?”

L A D I E S.

When he wants to put a ring on your finger, he will. Simply let things arise and unfold naturally instead of formulating expectations and worrying. Things usually turn out just perfectly. Congratulate the next engaged girl you see. Watch how a happy spirit invites happiness into your own life. I can’t wait to celebrate you!

 

X O,

Another non-engaged, very much in love and out of patience friend

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